"Sleep when the baby sleeps". Have you heard this saying before? It sounds like a good idea but in reality what do you do when the baby is sleeping but all you can think about is if they are still breathing, when are they going to wake up, should I be cleaning up the house, and so many more consuming thoughts. Sleep deprivation is a widely recognized experience of new parents during postpartum. Approximately 45% of women report poor sleep quality during pregnancy, and over 60% report poor sleep in the postpartum period. So we know this is a very relevant issue and more support and education is needed in this area.
Guest Speaker
We are joined on this episode by Kaili Ets. Kaili is a pediatric occupational therapist and holistic sleep and reflux specialist. She has over 18 years of experience supporting infants and young children. She combines developmentally appropriate, evidence informed strategies with a holistic lens to create practical solutions for better sleep, self regulation, and function. She designed a framework based on the nervous system called the "Rooted in Regulation Map". It looks at the root cause of symptoms, like sleep difficulties. Her journey in this field started with having her own child. Despite being a pediatric occupational therapist she was shocked at how hard parenting was and felt so unprepared for it. Her son barely slept, hated tummy time, and was a very tense and rigid baby, leading her to consider the nervous system connection.
Nervous System Connection
The nervous system allows for communication between the brain and body. It is always asking "Am I safe enough to ____" or "Do I need to stay on alert". When the nervous system feels safe and supported digestion flows better, sleep comes easier, and muscles relax. When the nervous system is stressed infants have body tension, more wakes at night, more fussiness, and they can struggle with developmental milestones.
Rooted in Regulation Framework
Think of a tree:
- Branches are what we see: sleep difficulties, reflux, motor delays, feeding difficulties, mood issues
- Trunk is how systems connect to support the branches: body, oral motor coordination, sensory processing, environment
- Roots are where regulation begins (3 roots): safety and connection, embodiment and flow in the body, rhythm and predictability
Signs of Nervous System Overstimulation
- Difficulties with feeding
- Hating tummy time despite changing positions
- Body tension or rigid babies
- Fisted hands
- Open mouth posture
- Head turning preference
- Lots of gas or hard tummy
- Only rolling to one side
Sleep is not a skill that can be taught, it is a biological state. Infants need to feel calm and be able to shift from active to calm and rest. Infants have to feel safe enough to let go in order to fall asleep and stay asleep. When your nervous system is heightened you cannot get good sleep!
So What Can You Do?
- Co-regulation! We as parents teach our child's nervous system how to feel safe and calm through connection and showing them what this feels like. Find your own calm.
- Humming. Easily accessible at 3:00 in the morning. Put one hand on them and hum. Vibration is calming.
- Gentle movement, stretches, and massage for baby body tension. Feel around their body lightly for tight or hard areas.
- Sucking is very regulating for the nervous system. Offering your finger or a pacifier can help babies who want to be on the boob the whole night.
- Look at environment and sensory. Am I too busy during the day and not providing them any calming moments? Is it too loud? Do they just need a break?
- Ask for help and support! Hand over the responsibilities so you can get more sleep.
- Trust your instincts as a parent! Do not fall into social media telling you there is something wrong with you or your baby. You are not failing. If something is working for your family, keep doing it! Only change something when it no longer works.
- Consistent, relaxing bedtime routine for yourself and baby
- Seek emotional support. Lack of sleep increases risk for mood and depressive disorders.
Resources
This article is a companion to the Wired and Tired and From Chaos to Calm episodes of the Functional Fourth Trimester podcast.